Monday, August 29, 2011

Anna's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

ANNA’S GUIDE TO DATING ON THE DARK SIDE*
(A Manual for Single Human Girls with Paranormal Interests)

Ladies, you never know when you might find yourself drawn to the mysterious loner who is new to town. Sure, he's a little weird and clearly has his secrets, but if anyone can get him to loosen up and open up, it's YOU. Sure, he's been alone
for years -- eternity even! -- but one look at you, girl, and he'll be a goner.

Luckily, Anna's Guide to Dating is here to help you...

Species: Vampire

Examples: Twilight, True Blood, Crave, Blue Bloods, Morganville Vampires, Vampire Academy
Pros: Mysterious, mature, won’t bring a lot of junk food into the house
Cons: Wants to suck your blood, moody, possessive
Advice: Invest in some cute scarves. Have a silver cross on hand at all times in case he gets too frisky. Don’t commit unless you’re in it for the long haul, aka FOR-EV-ER. 

Species: Werewolf

Examples: Twilight, Shiver, True Blood, Sisters Red, Blood and Chocolate
Pros: Cuddly, outdoorsy, loyal
Cons: Violent, tracks dirt into the house, unpredictable, always off with the boys
Advice: Don’t buy him any clothing for Christmas. They tear through clothes like it’s nothing. Hot, but impractical. 

Species: Angel

Examples: Hush Hush, Fallen, Unearthly
Pros: Otherworldly beauty, excellent sense of right vs. wrong, has an in with The Big Guy
Cons: Self-righteous, judgmental, wings always get in the way while making out
Advice: Watch out for the fallen ones. Also, steer away from sensitive discussion topics such as religion, immorality, how pretty his wings are, etc. 
 
Species: Dragons

Examples: Firelight
Pros: Could take you flying, exotic
Cons: Shifty, usually only date their own kind, secretive, way into jewels 
Advice: Stay away from the fire-breathing ones. There’s hot and then there’s hot

Species: Faeries

Examples: Iron Knight, Wings, Fragile Eternity
Pros: Gorgeous, magical, really know how to party
Cons: Untrustworthy, sneaky, not into commitment
Advice: Love ‘em, date ‘em, do what you want with them, but do NOT, I repeat NOT, eat or drink anything they give you. Trust me. 
  
Species: Demon wranglers of all varieties

Examples: Angelfire, Mortal Instruments, Soul Screamers
Pros: Protective, loyal, generally buff
Cons: Always off in the Netherworld, constantly surrounded by danger
Advice: Considering their close proximity to demons, these guys often get possessed. Beware. 

Species: Wizard

Examples: Harry Potter, Brightly Woven
Pros: Magical, powerful, handy to have around in case of emergency, generally bookish
Cons: Always in trouble, tendency to blow things up
Advice: Is it love, or is it a love spell? Think about it. 

Species: God/Demi-God

Examples: Oh. My. Gods, Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief, The Goddess Test, Abandon
Pros: Strength, power
Cons: Cocky, lots of baggage, Daddy issues
Advice: Resolve fights quickly, as he could smite you. 

Species: Ghost

Examples: Shade, Mediator series
Pros: Never too busy for you
Cons: Always hanging around, dead
Advice: Sorry, Casper, but this relationship is going nowhere. YOU CAN’T EVEN KISS. Let him go. 

So, my dear readers, any advice you'd like to impart? Please share in the comments!

Anna Reads young adult book blog   

*Title borrowed from Beth Fantaskey’s lovely book Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side. Check it out for a tip or two on dating vamps. It's a fun book!

45 comments:

  1. OMG! I love this so much! So creative. I think everyone should take your advice in dealing with any paranormal hotties that we encounter. *runs off to stock up on scarves just in case* Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?

    Excellent, and fun post Anna!

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  2. hahaha. i love this post.

    the fey are SO sneaky. that's why you just stick with the contemp boys - shall i make my solemn vow to Cricket Bell now?

    okay okay if i had to go with one, i'd say demi-gods/gods. i can deal with the cockiness..atleast until i got him under control. :-P

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  3. OH MY GOODNESS, I was laughing throughout this whole post!! Ahaha, it's so creative and fun. I'm reading Passion (Fallen #3) right now, so I'm a bit into angels. ;) Thanks for the advice.

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  4. I love this! So funny.

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  5. OMG! I love it! <3 One million times I love it! You just made my night!!!!

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  6. This has got to be one of the best posts ever written! I love it! Thanks for the advice. Though I cant choose between vamps (edward), faeries (Ash) and shadowhunters (Jace). Can't I have all 3?

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  7. OMG- can't stop laughing! My new favorite post!

    -Meredith

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  8. This is so cute! I love the Casper pic- what an awesome 90s throwback. I just read Firelight, so that was def my fave entry! Don't singe me! ;)

    Thanks for sharing!

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  9. This is so cute! I love the Casper pic- what an awesome 90s throwback. I just read Firelight, so that was def my fave entry! Don't singe me! ;)

    Thanks for sharing!

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  10. I totally object! There are no cons when it comes to dating werewolves!
    Ruby

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  11. Umm, seriously?! THis post is hilarious! Love! (And I'm not even a huge fan of paranormal! :P)

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  12. Love this post, it made me lol--really!! Great way to end my night :D

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  13. Oh Anna how you make me laugh!! :)

    Kudos on this one!

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  14. I love this! 'don't eat or drink anything they give you. Trust me, I know.' hahahaha!

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  15. This, my dear friend, is full of AWESOME. I can't stop laughing. I think the Angel one is my fave! hahahaha

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  16. I just snort-laughed. Repeatedly.

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  17. xD!

    Life is just incomplete without reading posts like this from cool people like you.

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  18. LOVING THIS so much. especially the Devon Sawa shout out. my 7th grade self is on FIAHHHH.

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  19. Oh man. This is made of all kinds of awesome. And it is now bookmarked so that I can easy come back to it for another giggle or two.

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  20. This is an epic post girl. Totally loving it. Thanks for this made me smile and giggle :)

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  21. I think i have a new favorite post! This is awesome! Werewolves are "outdoorsy", and wings getting in the way, i am still laughing! Thanks! :)

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  22. So fun! Thanks for a post full of laughs to go with my morning coffee. Just what I needed to get my day started right :)

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  23. This is hilarious! Great post.

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  24. Haha omg I loved this! It deft put a huge smile on my face!!! I think I'd go with vampire!! Woo!

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  25. LOVE it...Devon Sawa represent!

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  26. DEVON SAWA!!!! (can I keep you?)

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  27. Love it!!!! Lol! Hilarious!

    Thanks for making my day Anna! XD

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  28. 'Is it love, or is it a love spell? Think about it.' *snort*

    One of the best posts I've read in a while. Great job! You definitely made me LOL.

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  29. Most excellent post!! One of the best ever, I think. Thanks for the lulz. I happen to have a few new scarves, too. Perfect! Just in case. ;-)

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  30. You made me smile! Thanks Anna. :)

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  31. LOL Brilliant post! I'll definitely be sending this to friends who are fans of the paranormal. Love it! :-)

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  32. Bahahahaha!!!! Oh my gosh I absolutely LOVED this. So funny. Especially the part about dragons. "There's hot and then there's HOT." XD

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  33. This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. I love seeing websites that understand the value of providing a quality resource for free.

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  34. Loved it!!!! You made my day! :D

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  36. This basically made my day, so thanks!

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  38. Funny and very true. The advice part is really amusing. We would love to see a Dating on the Dark Side boys version!

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